The Septum Deviation Escalation
by Mislav
Summary: Set post "The Septum Deviation". After Leonard recovers from his surgery, Sheldon decides to pursue the quest of immortality. Just a friendship/science-fiction oneshot. Not to be taken totally seriously.


**A/N: I don't own any of "The Big Bang Theory" characters and I am not making any money from writing this.**

 **Please forgive any minor spelling or grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.**

 **This is just the story idea I've been playing with since "The Septum Deviation". Given Sheldon's "dependedness" on Leonard and all the science themes present throughout the show, I find the idea of immortality interesting to include in this fandom. You shouln't take this totally seriously :)**

 _November 17th, 2015_

It started out rather unexpectedly, as many great quests do. Sheldon and Leonard were sitting at the kitchen counter, dressed in their robes, eating some cereal. Leonard still had a band aid over his nose, and his voice would often come off as high pitched.

"I've been thinking... why die at all?", Sheldon suddenly stated more than asked, briefly looking up at Leonard before turning his attention back to the cereal.

Leonard looked up at him, eyes wide. "To get away from you?", he suggested, an incredulous look on his face.

Sheldon smiled. "Come on, we both know you aren't being serious!" Leonard rolled his eyes before Sheldon continued. "Why do we eventually have to leave this world?", Sheldon wondered, serious now.

Leonard shrugged, looking down at his cereal bowl. "That's just the way it is."

Sheldon leaned over, lowering his voice. "Science is making some serious progress every day. The possibilities of pretty much transplating one's brain into a computer is getting more and more likely."

Leonard shuddered. "Creepy."

"That way, you'd never leave me", Sheldon exclaimed, a smile on his face.

"Yay!", Leonard exclaimed, his sarcasm once again escaping Sheldon.

 _November 19th, 2015_

That day, Leonard returned from work some time after Sheldon. Upon entering his apartment, he noticed Amy and Bernadette sitting on two chairs near the living room writing desk, with Sheldon posed behind them, a proud look on his face. Leonard stopped in his tracks.

"What's going on?", Leonard asked, already worried.

"It's time to seriously consider the concept of immortality", Sheldon explained calmly.

Leonard groaned, but Sheldon ignored him.

"Leonard, do you have any idea why we grow old in the first place?", Sheldon asked, raising his eyebrows.

Leonard glared at him. "No, but I have a feeling you are about to explain it to me", he replied sarcastically.

"Actually, Amy and Bernadette will", Sheldon informed him.

"It is because of the enzyme called telomerase", Bernadette started. "That keeps your DNA from unraveling, basically."

"But every time the cells divide, when you have to heal, some cells also get lost", Amy said. "That weakens your body's ability to regenerate itself. You eventually grow old, and die."

"Immortality is just a matter of constantly rejuvenating telomerase or somehow preventing it's loss", Bernadette concluded. "At least, when it comes to dying from old age."

Leonard tilted his head to the side. "Yes, and that is a piece of cake, I presume."

"More like a whole cake in the bakery store, but yeah", Bernadette said sweetly. "Genetical engineering, gene therapy and manipulating the genes are already pretty advanced."

"Also, did you know that sharks are immune to almost all the diseases?", Amy asked. "And they, too, heal quickly."

"So?", Leonard asked.

Sheldon sighed, glaring at him. "Biologists have determined that is because of the broad spectrum serum antibody in their blood, that can be directed against a variety of antigens", he explained. "Theoretically, it would be possible to isolate that serum from the shark's blood, then inject it into a human body, directing it at the chromosome that is the most similar to one of the shark chromosomes. That way, the serume can become a permanent part of the human organism and function like described."

"With this two things combined, you will not age at all, and hardly any disease or injury could kill you", Bernadette added, in her usual calm and sweet voice.

"The second procedure is still quite controversial", Amy stated calmly. "In case things go wrong, which could happen, side effects include hair loss, the damage to the immune system, infection, and slow and painful death." She leaned over, lowering her voice. "Though I think I can work my way around testing it on the monkeys", she said, winking.

"Please don't", Leonard replied before turning to face Sheldon, a sulk appearing on his face. "I highly doubt that I will be completely invincible, even if all of that stuff works", he objected.

Sheldon calmly pulled his phone out of his pocket, typed away quickly, then handed it to Leonard. "Read this", he advised.

Leonard frowned at the screen. "Ten methods that will lead to you having unbreakable bones", he read.

"Pretty convincing", Sheldon noted. "And well researched. It only takes four to five hours of specific excercising every day, and an occasional excrutiating physical pain. You'll have to take some pills and vitamins though, due to the never ending feud between lactosis and your organism. Calcium is an important part of this method, you see. It should only take a few years. Once you reach the certain point, stop aging and significantly improve your immune system, your bones will just stay that way. You may need to get back into shape every few years, but otherwise..."

"Sounds swell", Leonard said sarcastically, handing the phone back to Sheldon.

Sheldon grinned. "It does, doesn't it?"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "What if I get buried alive, for example? What if I end up driving my car into a river?"

"There is no exact answer to this, yet, but you will probably just hybernate until somebody finds you and provides you with transfution or mere air. And somebody has to find you eventually."

"But all this doesn't eliminate pain, right?", Leonard pointed out. "A truck may run me over and it won't kill me, but it will hurt."

"You can't have everything, Leonard."

 _November 30th, 2015_

Sheldon had summoned for an urgent meeting, though only Leonard and Penny ended up attending, obviously reluctantly. Sheldon, once again sitting at the living room desk, in front of his laptop, performed his usual "snort of derision" before turning to look at the screen again, with Leonard and Penny peeking over his shoulder.

"I've been following the news from science circles a lot as of lately. Even the ones regarding Biology", he informed them. "Amy helped me with that."

"In five days, one of the world's top's geneticists, Eric Zachary, specialized in gene manipulation, will host a convention in Pasadena", Sheldon read. "It will take place in a high-end hotel a few blocks away. As you probably don't know, he is a good friend with another scientist, this one a resident of Pasadena. His name is Terrace Ketchum. He is also a biologist, specialized in studying the human blood screen. It's been rumoured that the convention has been host in order to attract more donors. And both scientists have shown a surprisingly good results in the research and experiments relating to a successful cancer treatment over the last few years."

"Looks like they are pretty... advanced, so to say", Leonard concluded. "Probably keeping a secret..."

"Exactly", Sheldon confirmed. "They already have the serum used to prevent the loss of telomerase. They just keep it a secret."

"Why?", Penny asked, surprised.

Leonard rolled his eyes, annoyed by the topic. "Because it's manufacturing is expensive, rich people would want to keep it for themselves, and it's doubtful the humanity is ready for anything close to immortality, if it ever will be", he explained.

Sheldon looked at the two of them with a coy smile. "We are going to steal it", he declared.

"What?", Leonard exclaimed.

"You heard me."

"That's crazy!", Leonard protested.

"The immortality implies being young forever, right?", Penny asked.

Sheldon frowned. "It can't really work otherwise..."

"Sign me up!", Penny exclaimed, raising her hand.

"How are we supposed to get in?", Leonard worried. "We are not invited. Security must be top quality. The number of free rooms will be limited. Even if we we sign in, we'll leave a trace. What about security cameras? How can we even know which room will be staying at? And what when they realize that their serum is gone?"

"Wolowitz and Koothrappali could hack security cameras, and the guest logs on a hotel computer", Sheldon said, calmly. "We will leave them enough of the serum to continue the research. They can't report a theft of a secret substance to anyone."

 _December 4th, 2015_

Surprisingly, the day before the, as named by Howard, was supposed to take place, the participants involved barely had the time to meet, in group. Sheldon did summon a meeting that night, before dinner. They all arrived at approximately the same time, and were met with Sheldon standing next to the couch, dressed in a lab coat, with gloves over his hands. Bernadette was already there, dressed pretty much the same way, with a big white box in her hand.

"Since they will also store some cutting-edge genetically modified viruses in there, Bernadette is going to administer you all with all possible vaccination shots."

"What good will that do?", Howard asked, shuddering.

"Probably not much, but in the worst case scenario, you will die knowing that you had taken all the precautions needed", Sheldon said calmly.

"The risk of us getting in contact with any of those viruses is virtually non-existent", Amy pointed out.

Sheldon raised his eyebrows. "With an emphasis on "virtually"".

"I... we thought that you wouldn't agree, if we told you", Bernadette admitted sheepishly.

"I've already been taken care of", Sheldon proudly exclaimed.

The rest of the group exchanged glances, then just sighed and started walking towards Bernadette, with Howard getting to be the first in line.

 _December 5th, 2015_

It was a luxury hotel, with a large entry door and bunch of French windows, with ten floors. There was bunch of luxury cars parked around. Every once in a while, bunch if well dressed men and women would walk in or out, often accompanied with each other.

Leonard and Sheldon still couldn't believe it all while they were approaching the door, Penny even less. But, strangely, they didn't even think about giving up. Leonard and Penny remained standing behind one of the lemousines, writing for Sheldon to "do his thing"-no matter how crazy they sounded. They were looking around, holding hands, trying to keep up the pretense in case someone noticed them. Leonard sighed. He hoped Howard and Raj were doing their job well.

"Excuse me, I'm here for the convention", Sheldon exclaimed proudly, facing the security employee inside the lobby. "Lead me if you wish."

Stocky young man glared at him. "Your name?"

Sheldon grinned. "Come on. Who doesn't recognize me?"

"I don't", the man replied. "Name."

He didn't even notice Leonard and Penny walking into the hotel.

"We really could have had somebody get us fake credentials", Penny whispered.

"Then we would have had to attend the meeting, Eric could see us and... you understand", Leonard muttered.

The two made their way into the lobby, then up the stairs. Some passer bys would glance at them, but wouldn't object anything, probably assuming that them, too, were a part of the conventional. Leonard and Penny did their best not to appear suspicious, but they couldn't pay much attention to other attendants. They were focused on gaining the way into that room.

There she was. On the second floor. A maid.

Leonard walked over to her, a shy look on his face, Penny following shortly after him. "Excuse me", he asked, making maid look up at him. "Do you happen to know how long will that convention last. Just asking... lots of crowe."

"I think until late in the evening, but I'm not sure", the maid answered, Penny still standing close to her.

"Thank you", Leonard replied with a smile.

Within seconds, the maid was gone. Off to the next floor.

Penny smiled at Leonard, mischievously, showing the master key card, now in her hand.

They both knew they had few minutes at most, before the maid would realize her card was gone.

With shaky hands, Leonard pulled a pair of latex gloves out of his pocket, handing the other pair to Penny. She, in return, handed him the key. He managed to pull it into the lock, despite the nervousnesses. Within seconds, the mechanical sound of the door being unlocked was heard.

Leonard and Penny rushed inside, with Leonard closing and locking the door behind. He put the key card down on the near by cupboard, before beginning the search, with Penny in tow. It was a wonderful room, with a king size bed, a huge closet, plasma TV on the wall, nice view and even a mini bar-but they had no time to concentrate on that now.

Leonard looked under the mattress, then under the bed. Nothing. Penny started searching the drawers of the table in front of the window. Some scientifc magazines and catalogues, but nothing else.

Leonard opened the closet. Some clothing, suitcases... and one briefcase. Feeling a rush of excitement go through his body, he picked up the briefcase and put it on a near by bed, with Penny walking over to him. He managed to pull the briefcase open, revealing five small glass compartments inside, all five filled with red liquid.

"Are you sure one will be enough?", Penny hissed as Leonard pocketed one of the compartments.

"That's what Amy calculated."

He closed the briefcase, put it back into the closet, and left the room, with Penny following him. Before they left that floor, Penny made sure to drop the key card on the floor. If the maid were to go looking for it, she would most likely return to that floor, find it and figure that she had lost it.

They left the hotel quickly, trying to appear casual and relax. The guy at the door glared at them, feeling like he hadn't seen them enter the hotel, but he didn't ask any questions.

They found Sheldon standing behind the near by street pool, looking down at the sidewalk, hands down his pockets. "What are you doing?", Penny asked.

"Hiding", Sheldon whispered.

They exchanged a look, then proudly headed towards the car, together.

 _December 6th, 2015_

Leonard walked into the kitchen, adjusting his robe. He was still tired, despite the long night's sleep.

Sheldon was already there, standing behind the kitchen counter, pouring some milk into his cereals. "Good morning, Leonard", he greeted him.

"Good morning, Sheldon", Leonard answered tiredly, instantly reaching for a bag of coffee.

It was then that Sheldon moved his arm forward, a pin in his hand. He quickly pushed it against Leonard's skin, digging it into his hand. Leonard screamed and jumped a feet back, yanking his hand away.

"What the hell, Sheldon!?", he yelled.

Sheldon grinned. "You're not bleeding."

Leonard slowly looked down at his hand. Not even a scratch on it. He widened his eyes, feeling himself shiver. But he quickly looked up at Sheldon, still angry. "That doesn't mean anything! I never consumed that enzyme that we..." He sighed, lowering his voice for a moment. "... stole. None of us have."

"Oh, we all did", Sheldon answered calmly. "I planted it into our food the last night."

"You did what?", Leonard exclaimed.

"Amy made some successful experiments on monkey", Sheldon said. "I figured that it was a safe bet."

Leonard frowned. "We all... took it?"

"Well, you, Wolowitz, Koothrappali, Amy, Bernadette, Penny, plenty of other people involved with us... yes, pretty much."

Leonard sighed, shivering. "At least you didn't inject us with any shark blood."

"I did, actually", Sheldon said, calmly. "Those vaccination shots a few days ago? Remember?"

"You did what?!", Leonard cried.

Sheldon frowned at him. "I just explained it to you", he exclaimed, baffled. His face soon lightened up again. "And it worked. Soon afterward, I planted the common flu virus in your coffee. You haven't even coughed!" He turned his attention back to the stove. "Now, have about some oat meal?"

"I can't just... have breakfast with you now!" He turned away, walking towards the door. "I'm going over to Penny's!"

"In a robe?", Sheldon questioned.

"Yes!", Leonard cried.

"Just don't be late for work!", Sheldon warned him. "You'll have the whole eternity to engage in coitus!", he reminded him.

Leonard stopped in his tracks, thinking about it, a smile appearing on his face. "That is kind of awesome", he admitted.

 _December 2nd, 2074_

"Sir, do you honestly expect us to believe you were born in 1980?", the officer asked, glaring at Leonard, Leonard's driving licence in his hand.

"Well, the photograph matches, right?", Leonard commented before glaring at Sheldon, who was sitting on the passenger seat.

Sheldon shrugged, looking away. "I never said there won't be any difficulties", he reminded him. Leonard sighed.


End file.
